Everyone comes with a manual, but most people never write it down
I joined a new company. Remote-first, distributed team, mostly people I'd never worked with. The kind of setup where you can't lean on the hallway conversations or lunch breaks to figure out how someone operates. I wanted to accelerate the get-to-know phase while setting clear expectations about working style. I ended up writing a manual about myself.
In this post I explain the thinking behind it, will give you my template and encourage you to start your own manual. It will help you as much as it will help others.
Making the implicit explicit
Every new working relationship starts with an often bumpy first phase: the interpretation period. You're constantly reading signals, testing boundaries and trying to decode what matters to the other person.
Should you Slack them at 8pm? Do they want solutions or just awareness when you share a problem? Will they be annoyed if you don't respond to that FYI email? Is their silence approval or disappointment?
This guessing game doesn't just waste time. It creates a cognitive overhead that pulls focus away from actual work.
The paradox is that well-intentioned, collaborative teams often suffer from this more than dysfunctional ones. When everyone's trying to be considerate and read the room, nobody states what they actually need. You end up with two people trying to make each other happy without knowing what that looks like.
A working manual is a short-cut for this process. It takes the invisible rules that govern how you operate and writes them down in plain language.
The main aim is to remove ambiguity. It is meant to be a guideline to help everyone to spend less time interpreting and more time collaborating.
The dual benefit: clarity for them and you
Writing a working manual serves two purposes that reinforce each other.
For others, it provides a reference point. Instead of wondering whether your communication style will land well, they can check. Instead of testing boundaries through trial and error, they have guidance upfront.
For you, it creates a forcing function for introspection. You can't write "here's how I work best" without first figuring out how you actually work. You can't document your triggers without identifying what they are.
This self-knowledge piles up over time, but rarely gets written down. The process will help you to set things straight for yourself as much as for everyone else. When something frustrates you in a working relationship, you can return to your manual and check if you made your expectations clear.
What Goes in a Working Manual
The template I like best covers nine core areas where implicit expectations create the most friction. You don't need every section and you can add others that matter for your context.
Purpose and Context Explain who the manual is for, when to read it and how to use it. This sets expectations about the document itself and helps people approach it correctly.
Background and Principles Share your role, professional background and the core principles you operate by. This gives people the context for understanding why you work the way you do.
How You Work Best Document your daily structure, productivity rhythm, how work should come to you and how you make decisions. Be specific about when you're most productive and what slows you down.
Communication Preferences State which channels to use for what, expected response times and how to handle urgent matters. This eliminates the guesswork around how and when to reach you.
Feedback and Recognition Explain how you give and receive feedback, how you handle disagreement and your approach to mistakes. Being clear here prevents the most common relationship breakdowns.
Collaboration Norms Define what ownership means to you, when you want to be involved and how you think about trade-offs. This section sets expectations for day-to-day working together.
What Works With You State clearly what builds trust, what signals great performance and what to do when stuck. Give people a roadmap for succeeding in their work with you.
Triggers and Blind Spots Be honest about situations that trigger bad reactions, your known blind spots and how you behave under stress. This vulnerability is what makes the manual actually useful.
Personal Context Share relevant details about your life outside work, your energy patterns and day-to-day personality traits. This humanizes the document and helps people understand the whole person.
How to actually use this
Start with yourself. It will provide clarity about your own thinking and is a great exercise to reflect on yourself.
Share it early. Give it to new team members before or during their first week. Reference it in your first one-on-one. Make it a living document they can return to.
Update it regularly. Your working style will evolve. When you notice a pattern change or realize something wasn't clear, revise the manual. Treat it as a living document that grows with your relationships.
Reference it when things get confused. When there's a misunderstanding about expectations, check the manual first. Did you document this? Is it still accurate? Use it as a starting point for conversations about what's not working.
The vulnerability is the key
Creating a working manual requires admitting things you'd rather keep hidden. Your triggers reveal insecurities. Your blind spots acknowledge imperfection. Your stated preferences can feel demanding or needy. This discomfort is exactly why it works.
When you document your flaws and frustrations, you give others permission to do the same. You signal that working relationships get stronger through honesty, not through everyone pretending to be low-maintenance and easy to please.
The manual also protects you from your own inconsistencies. When you're stressed and skipping small talk, people can check whether that's just you in execution mode rather than wondering if they did something wrong.
I can only encourage you to start your own manual today. Even if you are not comfortable to share it right way, I promise it will help you understand yourself better.
